By Dharma Bum

There was still a dim light visible through the cracks in the blocked
entrance, and voices far off outside, so it was still day. Some time. But
how late in the day, Gabrielle wasn't sure, and no one had checked on them
since they'd been thrown in this hole, and they had no water, and was it
getting stuffy in here? No, Gabrielle told herself, ridiculous, if the air
was going to run out, *not that it was*, it would have done it hours ago.
Sure it would have. Still she was feeling a little tense. Yes, just a
little. Where the heck was Xena anyway? Talk about unreliable. She stifled
something that might have been a giggle, but it turned into a sneeze halfway
through.

"Are you okay?" Joxer asked.

"Fine." She sniffed. "'S a little cold in here, that's all."

He started to say something, paused, and spoke again. "I've been sitting in
like this little niche in the wall over here. It's a lot warmer. If you
want..."

Gabrielle decided quickly. "Keep talking." She felt her way carefully across
the floor, one tentative footstep at a time. "Where are you?"

"Over here. I..."

"Oops." She kicked at the offending object. "Darn turnips, they're all over
the place."

"Be careful that you don't trip, 'cause the floor is pretty uneven and it's
got lots of bumps in it and..."

Something caught under her foot and she went down in a heap onto something
that was both soft and hard-edged at the same time, and made a loud noise
that was halfway between a yelp and wheeze. "Oh," Gabrielle said, "here you
are." She untangled herself and sat up.

"Told you about the floor." Joxer was dimly visible now as he got unsteadily
to his feet, groaning softly; he hadn't been moving around as much as she
had. "Bumps."

"That wasn't a bump. That was your stupid foot."

"Whatever. Anyway, here."

Gabrielle scrambled into the small alcove. He was right, it was a little
warmer. "Joxer? Where did you go?"

"I'm out here now."

"Don't be ridiculous." She felt along the recess experimentally. "There's
enough room for both of us in here, if we squeeze. And it'll make it
warmer."

"But..."

"Oh, come on." Before I change my mind, she thought. "Watch your-- "

"Ow!"

"--head." There was not quite enough room in the hollow to stand, and it
took a few moments of shoving and twisting before they were both sitting on
the floor, more or less intact. There was even some space left over between
them. Maybe a hair's-breadth if that, but at least some. Gabrielle felt
obscurely comforted.

And a great deal warmer. Okay, one problem dealt with. Of course, there was
still the water problem. And the missing-Xena problem. And the silence
problem, which the proximity had suddenly made much, much worse. Gabrielle
fished desperately for something to say. "How's your bump?"

"What bump?"

"You know. Your turnip bump."

"Oh." He sounded blank for a moment. "Oh... *that* bump. It's nothing."

"Sorry about that."

"Forget about it. You've given me worse."

That subject hammered to death, they fell silent again.

Finally Gabrielle said, "I wasn't really going to tell you to go away." She
was a little surprised to hear herself speaking -- surprised, but not
displeased. "Not 'go away' go away, at any rate. That's not what I meant,
I..."

"I understand," he said in a voice that implied he really didn't.

"No, you don't. Because I don't. I... Oh, darn it." She hugged herself
fiercely and tried to find the right words. Since when was she at a loss for
words? "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" she asked, referring
maybe to the cavern, maybe to the fall, maybe to Joxer, maybe to her entire
life. "Why do you have to be so complicated? Why do I have to shoot my
stupid mouth off all the time, anyway?" She tilted her head back for a
moment, looking at a sky that wasn't there. "If I hadn't, we wouldn't be in
this mess in the first place, and ...I wouldn't have hurt your feelings when
I didn't mean to. I guess it is my fault, because I don't think before I say
things..."

"No," he said firmly. More firmly than was usual for him, and even though
she couldn't see him she looked at him in surprise. "You wouldn't be
Gabrielle if you didn't speak your mind. You've always been like that, so...
so fierce, I guess."

This seemed to be a compliment, and she let him go on.

"Fierce," he repeated. "You decide what you want, and you just go right
after it, and... and, it's just you, that's all. Even when... even when what
you want may not be the best thing, I mean, might not be so good, if you,
um, understand what I'm saying. I don't mean..." He was stuck for words
again and tried to gesture, accidentally bumping her arm and pulling his
hand away quickly, as though he'd been burned. "Oh, heck, this isn't
working. What I mean is, you always say what you think and I always know
where I stand with you. So you were really right all along, it was my fault
'cause even though I know... I can't stop trying." He sighed, and Gabrielle
didn't need any light to see him slump forward, elbows resting on drawn-up
knees, into an unhappy ball.

-----

Argo balked, and stamped her foot. The cavern was too dark, and the ceiling
too low, and the walls too close, and she hated it and didn't care who knew
it.

"Knock it off," Xena warned. She adjusted the makeshift harness, ensuring
the pull was low on the mare's neck and shoulders and not around her throat.
"All set back there?"

"Okay." Cleon, the thin villager, checked the knots one final time and
motioned for his team to step back. If this one section of beam was pulled
away from the blocked shaft, enough of the rubble should fall away with it
to enable them to get inside. Either that or the entire damn place would
come down on their heads. "Good job," Xena said. "Okay, go on outside."

That sounded fine to Argo. She tried to shake the reins out of Xena's hand
and follow. "Not you," Xena told her.

Argo rolled her eyes until the whites showed. She was no stupid cart-horse.
She didn't wear harness and she didn't pull carts, or plows, or fallen beams
out of nasty dark tight mines. Mines! *Donkeys* worked in mines. She laid
her ears flat back against her head, and kicked at Cleon as he sidled by.

"Enough already!" Xena snapped. Everyone was trying to drive her crazy.
Gabrielle had to go and get herself buried in this damn pit, Argo was
pulling this prima donna act, the baby was kicking, she was nauseous, and
her back was absolutely killing her. She hoped to hell the released
prisoners had only tied up the rest of the bandits like she'd said and not
killed them, because she just might need to kill them herself in order to
relieve her tension. She picked up the torch from where it had been propped
against the wall, dangerously close to the antsy mare's hooves. "All set?"
she called down the tunnel, towards the entrance.

"All set," Cleon called back.

"Okay, then." Xena took a firmer grip on the reins, near the bit, and
signaled Argo forward. "That's it, girl. Pull."

Forward was the only way out of the nasty dark tight tunnel, and Argo needed
no urging. She put her head down and pulled against the annoying ropes that
were keeping her away from the sunlight. Her hooves slipped against the
rock. "Steady there," Xena said. "Come on..." She glanced back at the rubble
blocking the shaft. The beam had moved a little, she was sure of it. "Little
bit more..."

There was a creaking, and the beam moved a little, and then suddenly slid
free. A moment's confusion, a great amount of dust and noise. Argo shied at
the racket and reared, almost knocking her head on the tunnel's low ceiling,
and Xena was so occupied for a few moments trying to calm her that she
forgot to look back. It was not until the mare finally stood more or less
still again, champing nervously at the bit, that she remembered. The rubble
had fallen out across the tunnel floor, blocking most of the access deeper
into the mountain; but the blocked shaft was now partially open at the top.

Thank the gods, Xena thought, a sudden surge of relief washing away the
worry she hadn't been allowing herself to feel. "All clear," she called.

Cleon came back down the tunnel, followed by his team. "Get her loose and
take her outside," Xena said, handing him Argo's reins. He nodded and took
hold of the suddenly compliant warhorse, who was now willing to undergo any
indignity if she could just get outside again, and Xena made her way around
behind her. She climbed carefully up the fallen debris, not wanting to start
it sliding again. The opening was barely wide enough for her to get her head
and shoulders into, and it took a little careful squeezing to get the torch
inside without putting it out or scorching herself in the process. She
leaned inside, carefully, and took a look around.

There was a small, uneven ledge inside the opening, about six feet down from
the level of the main tunnel, where the prisoners huddled. Behind it the
shaft yawned, a gaping black pit that swallowed the feeble torchlight as if
it didn't exist. They'd been fortunate that they hadn't accidentally groped
too far backwards in the dark, because if they had, not knowing the pit was
there -- Xena looked at their faces and tried very hard not to laugh. Or
cry.

When she could trust herself to speak, she said, "Magistrate Livinius, I
presume?"

The man looked up at her, half-a-smile on his dirty, round-cheeked face. "I
assume you're not one of them."

"Hardly." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice, not sure
how well she was succeeding. "We'll clear away the rest of this mess and get
you out. It'll take a little while."

"Thanks." He indicated his companion. "This is Dorcas, she's from that
wretched excuse for a town at the foot of the mountain."

The woman rolled her eyes theatrically. "Last time I try to bail his sorry
butt out of trouble."

Xena didn't want to ask it, but did anyway. "Anyone else in here with you?"

Livinius shook his head. "No one. Not that I know of, anyway. Anyone who
gives them a fight, mostly they've just been cutting their throats and
dumping them. People like that don't make good slaves. For some reason they
decided to get cute with us, though, and here we are."

"What happened to the bastards, anyway?" Dorcas asked.

Xena looked at them briefly. "I did," she said, and backed out of view.

-----

"Well," Gabrielle said into the darkness, "of course you keep trying. You
wouldn't be Joxer if you ever stopped trying. You amaze me sometimes, you
really do."

She answered the question she heard him thinking. "The way you just keep
getting up and coming back, despite everything. Even when it's obviously
dumb. Sorry," she said instantly. "I didn't mean that the way it sounds, I
mean... You never give in when things look awful. You just always think
they'll get better, even when a reasonable person would give up. Heck, even
when I'm ready to give up, there you are looking so hopeful. And I buy into
it, even when I should know better."

"But it's dumb," he said after a bit.

"Which doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. You have a talent for
that. Finding the dumb but right thing to do."

His weight shifted slightly as he no doubt ducked his head away,
embarrassed. He could cheerfully take all the abuse she could pile on him,
but any word of genuine praise made him nervous and unhappy. It was
contrary, that was all. He was just the most contrary man she had ever met.

Not that she could imagine him any other way.

She took a deep breath and spoke almost at the same time as he did.

"I'm sorry about-- "

"Getting us in this mess, it was-- "

"My fault," they finished together. Joxer made a noise that sounded
suspiciously like a laugh. "It wasn't anybody's fault," Gabrielle said.
"This time," she added firmly. Xena always said it wouldn't do at all to let
Joxer get airs. "These things happen."

"A lot."

"Yes, well-- " Gabrielle shrugged, and by so doing thumped one shoulder
against Joxer and one against the wall. "Oof. Whatever."

"So, now what do we do?"

"I don't know. Wait for Xena, I gue--Shh."

"Shh what?"

"Listen." Gabrielle strained to hear. "I thought I heard something, I-- "

They both tensed and listened. Gabrielle was the first one to sag. "No.
Forget it. I must have been imagining things." She slumped back against the
wall, discouraged. Night was coming soon, if it wasn't already here, and --

"Hey," Joxer said. "Don't worry. Xena will be here soon. Just like you
said."

Gabrielle smiled, hidden, in the dark. "Of course, you would think so,
wouldn't you?"

"I know so." He briefly patted her hand. "She wouldn't go off and leave you.
Count on it."

-----

On her way down the mountain, Xena tried to firmly put any further thought
of the mines out of her head. Most of the freed prisoners had returned to
their homes, the ungrateful toads, and only she, Livinius, Dorcas, and Cleon
were left to herd the surly bandits back down the steep and ill-kept road to
town. Argo was in a temper and tried to bite anyone in range, leading the
main group to walk rather farther ahead of them than was good for Xena's
mood at this point.

She'd wanted to search further, but the tunnel had been almost blocked when
they'd opened the shaft -- and not Cleon, Dorcas, or Livinius, had heard or
seen any other prisoners brought through yesterday. So Gabrielle and Joxer
were not in the mines, and could not be in the mines, and there was no
reason for her to go back and search in the mines because they were not
there -- so where the hell were they? As the ragged procession drew to a
halt in front of the ruined tavern, Xena went over all the remaining
possibilities and kept coming up with answers she didn't like.

The innkeeper came outside and he and Livinius fell on each other with
shouting and laughing and back-slapping hugs, while Xena limped wearily to
an intact bench and sat down heavily. "Good to see you, you old goat," the
innkeeper roared, thumping Livinius on the back.

"What happened here? You have an earthquake while I was gone?"

The thing was, if Gabrielle and Joxer were not in the mines but had gone
after the bandits, and had confronted them away from the camp, away from any
witnesses...

"I wish, it've done less damage. Look at this mess."

Not that Gabrielle would let herself get nailed like that. Not under normal
circumstances, but then things had hardly been normal lately.

"Yeah, that was a pretty bad crowd. Kidnap people, slit throats, break
plates..."

"Hell, it wasn't even them, it was someone else entirely. Which reminds me,
now that you're back I want you to take them away and lock 'em up proper for
me."

It was Joxer. It had to have been Joxer, getting underfoot all the damn
time. She tried to work up a proper rage, but was too tired. Poor old Joxer.

"I don't know if you noticed, but the jail's gonna be pretty much booked up
right now."

"Tough. This idiot and his wife come into my place, start having some huge
noisy argument, I try to break it up, somebody knocks a table over and next
thing I know there's a godsdamn riot going on."

No. Xena took a deep breath. No, she wouldn't allow herself to think like
that. There had to be another explanation.

"I have more important things to do than go chasing these little friends of
yours. Ask Dorcas."

"You don't need to chase 'em. I locked them up in my root cellar, and
they've probably wrecked that too by now, I shouldn't wonder. Bust up my
place, will they?"

Had to be. What if they'd sneaked into the mines without the bandits'
knowledge? What if they'd been farther back in the tunnels, or found another
entrance, or--

"So I understand your cousin is getting married? Who's the victim?"

"I don't know, but I feel sorry for the guy already."

Or evaded the bandits but gotten lost on the mountainside, treacherous and
full of sudden cliffs and hidden gullies as it was, or--

"You gonna have the wedding here?"

"What, in this mess?"

"Well, it is only your cousin."

Or--

"That's right. It isn't like there's going to be a lot of people here. We
still have one bench that isn't broken..."

The bench in question suddenly crashed to the floor, and both men looked up
in surprise. Xena had tilted it over when she'd gotten up. She didn't feel
particularly sorry about it. She smiled the smile that made gods cringe, and
said very nicely and very, very calmly, "Take me to this root cellar of
yours."

-----

It had taken quite some time to wear Joxer down, but Gabrielle had finally
gotten him to agree -- if the innkeeper wouldn't acknowledge their repeated
shouted requests for water, then they were totally justified in breaking
into the ale casks. She had explained her rationale carefully from a
logical, ethical, and moral perspective, and Joxer had continued to dig in
his heels -- "Stealing," he kept saying over and over -- but she'd finally
convinced him. Either that, or he'd just gotten as parched as she had from
the discussion.

Ale and turnips. Ick. Amazing what kinds of things you could eat when you
had to. And where the heck was Xena, anyway? "I think they've forgotten us,"
Gabrielle said, feeling around for the cask. Tapping ale casks in
pitch-blackness was a lot harder than it looked, or than it would look if
you could see it. There was ale all over the floor, and the mud stuck to her
boots, and it probably wasn't doing wonders for the stores buried beneath
it. Ick twice. She gave up the messy search and squelched back to the
alcove.

"They who?" Every time Joxer attempted to leave the alcove he bumped into a
storage rack, or a cask, or the wall, or something else, so he remained more
or less where he was.

"Everybody. The innkeeper, Xena, everybody."

"Xena wouldn't forget about you."

"Well, where the heck is she, then?" Gabrielle found the alcove and squeezed
herself in. "We're going to be stuck here another stupid night, what is up
with that?"

"I hope nothing happened to her." Joxer helped her to sit down with only
minimal tangling of limbs.

"Nothing happens to Xena unless she wants it to. She's probably sitting
outside by a nice warm fire, laughing her butt off at us or something."
Gabrielle sulked for a minute. "Well, at least if we stay together tonight
we won't freeze. That much. It's warm over here."

"Plenty warm," said Joxer in a slightly strangled voice. "Uh, could you move
your..."

"It's not *my*.... Ow!"

"What's wrong?"

"I think I cut myself on your stupid armor, that's what."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing... How do you stand wearing that *thing*, anyway? All
those sharp edges getting in the way."

"Sorry."

There was a pause. "Maybe you should take it off."

There was another, very interesting pause -- and then the sound of someone
at the cellar door.

They fell over each other scrambling out of the alcove. The innkeeper could
be heard above the rattling of the lock, saying, "Are you sure about this?"

"No," said a familiar voice.

"Xena!" Gabrielle shouted. "Xena, down here!" She raced in the direction of
the sound, tangled with Joxer again, and fell flat on her face. He picked
himself up first and yelled, "Xena!"

Gabrielle regained her feet and gave him a good smack on whatever part of
him that was in her way. "It's about time, Xena!"

"Maybe I only want one of them," Xena said, very loudly and clearly.

"Xena, that isn't funny!" Gabrielle found the short ladder leading up out of
the pit, but not wanting to repeat the fall she'd taken trying to pry the
door open, didn't try to climb it again.

"Maybe I haven't decided *which* one yet," Xena said.

"I mean it, Xena!" There was a thudding noise behind her, as Joxer stepped
on a loose turnip and went to the floor yet again. "Oh, get over here, you
idiot!" Gabrielle called to him. "Not you!" she yelled to Xena.

There was a final squeak of protesting metal, and the doors at the top of
the ladder opened wide. Gabrielle hauled Joxer up behind her on the ladder,
and they clambered out into the open.

The innkeeper stood there, looking a little less annoyed than he had the
last time they had seen him (only a little), and beside him stood Xena,
looking -- "Wow," said Joxer, blinking. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Xena said, smiling far too sweetly. It was hard to see in the
fading evening light, but she didn't seem as... sleek as she normally did.
She looked ragged and tired and dirty and, despite the smile, not too happy.
"Not compared to what's going to happen to *you*, anyway."

Joxer, his self-preservation instinct kicking in, wisely turned to the
innkeeper instead and started a long explanation about the mess in the
cellar. Gabrielle made a face at Xena. "Leave him alone."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not dead or anything?"

"Oh, don't *you* start."

"Or injured? Or even seriously dehydrated?" Something in Xena's tone
suggested that she expected this to be the case, and for some reason was
annoyed that it was not.

"I'm *fine*, Xena. Honestly. What kept you?"

At this Xena gave Gabrielle the same look she had given Joxer, and Gabrielle
quailed and took a step back. "And what's with the 'leave him alone'?" Xena
asked. "I'm surprised to see you together, frankly. I mean, with both of you
still alive."

"We came to an understanding." Gabrielle became very interested in brushing
mud off of herself and didn't look Xena in the eye.

"We're sorry about your place," Joxer was saying to the innkeeper, "and we
talked about it, and we decided it wasn't anyone's fault. This time." The
man was starting to look very annoyed again.

"These things happen," Gabrielle went on.

"Oh, do they now."

"Boy, look at your hair. What were you doing? Digging a tunnel?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. And believe me, I *will* tell you."

"Well, it had better be good. Where the heck were you, anyway?"

"So it really wasn't stealing," Joxer was saying to the innkeeper.
"According to Gabrielle."

"What wasn't stealing?" Xena asked her.

"Nothing! Look, why are *you* getting all worked up, anyway? *I'm* the one
who was sitting in that stupid pit for a day and a half."

Xena gave her the Look. "Be careful, Gabrielle. You're just digging yourself
in deeper."

Gabrielle sighed, and refrained from rolling her eyes to the heavens.
Between Xena acting all weird and grouchy, probably from being pregnant and
all, and Joxer not going away, because she had changed her mind about
sending him off, for now anyway... well, so much for the peace and quiet,
that was all.

"Xena," Joxer said, "did you know you have a big smudge going right down
your...Ow! What'd I *say*?"

Nice while it lasted, though.

12/99

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